Bringing It All Together.

small thing I just noticed:

I never put pics in my posts.

I wonder why.

well....

I guess I'll do a random one.

see?

random.

anywho....

I haven't posted in awhile....

which is commonplace for myself nowadays.

a lot on my mind nowadays,

which is a little weirder than usual.

so now,

I'm gonna take some time to just talk.

and knowing the people I know,

if they read this, it will be brought to my attention....

but I don't care.

School:

honestly, school isn't going 100% my way right now.

I have a C- in English [not really bad but nowhere close to good]

and I'm getting behind a lil bit.

and I'm just having a hard time finding motivation here right now.

I'm not depressed. just confused.

I have three weeks to turn it around.

and I know I never work to my potential....

but I have to....

so I hope to get back to it all.

Friends:

I love my people here at Tech,

especially the circle I run with.

but I always feel like they don't understand.

like they know what I say...

but they don't truly 'hear' what I'm saying.

I feel like everyone's view is so material sometimes....

it's like everyone has that whole

"it's college, no need to be so serious" creed....

and I just don't function like i don't care.

and I'm not saying that they're always like that...

but I feel that they're like that sometimes....

especially with girls and stuff....

I feel like everyone just wants a girl to fuck for the night....

while I want a girl to actually appreciate [hard to find in college I know]...

and ironically, things go so much better for them and not me....

everyone wants to drink....

I don't like drinking....yet I do it anyways (never a lot though)...

*sigh* idk why either....

and everyone wants to party.....

and I go....but I know I don't wanna be there.....

....idk. I just need to get my priorities straight and not fret.

Girls:

this has to be the most confusing thing on my mind.

which is normal.

but nowadays I'm just....idk.

the one girl I like here.....

and we've been arguing.....

and it's like....why....

and we talked and we're done with the petty arguments...

but still....

we only have three weeks....

we're not even in a relationship.....

and if we aren't by semester's end...

then I fear losing the chemistry and everything we had over the summer....

because I'm not gonna hold her to talking to me over the summer.....

because to be honest, if I don't see her during the summer,

I'm gonna be unhappy.

and I might not keep up with her well enough.

I know myself well enough to know that.

and that's three months.

so idk.....

and to be honest, a lot of girls at Tech are very unattractive to me.

and I mean a LOT of them....

cuz some just get extra drunk, which makes em extra slutty....

and it's like why would I want a girl who's loose as shit?

so if the girl and I don't work out....

I'm back to being single.....

and I don't expect any girl to change that anytime soon.

but the thing is.....

I don't fear it.

I've been by myself longer than I've been in relationships.

so not being in one isn't something to fret over,

considering it'll be a year since my last relationship in June.

*sigh* although it'd be nice to keep someone consistently happy....

but apparently, every girl just wants a guy to screw em and keep it moving....

so they can do them...

and I'm gonna do me.

[UPDATE: well, I guess it's over. that was quick....before I could even post it lol. so now I am single...hands down.]

Myself:

I just find myself lost sometimes out here.

I wish to be home so badly.....

but I know when I get there.....

I'll wish to be far away.

and I miss my mom so much.

I worry for her so much.

I just feel like my understanding of life is always so different from everyone....

and when I speak, no one really understands me....

so even when I'm with other people,

I still feel alone.

and it's not that I don't appreciate my friends.

but they don't think like me....

and they don't or won't understand where I come from a lot of the times.

and my other friends try to put religion on me sometimes....

and I already have a relationship with God and Jesus....

I know it's not perfect....but it's worked on....

and I'm just not into religious groups like everyone else is....

I just feel more comfortable praising God in my own privacy....

but he still gets praise in church.

idk...

I'm still lost. But summer shall be here soon.....

where I will sleep...forever....

or until summer school starts.